♥Daily Blog: Walking By

As I walked out the school gate, my eyes searched around for the gold/brown car.
His car.

But as always, that car wasn't there.

I'm not sure why I keep looking for it, I'm not sure why I still count down the minutes and seconds.
I'm not sure why I'm excited when time drew near.

Well...silly, silly me, I guess.

May 1st? lol...how can i even dream of him and me being together again if he doesn't even want to see me, approach me, initiate?

Maybe...it's not going to happen. Well, not maybe...

It's NOT going to happen. I mean...I guess I should be like optimistic and thinking that he still loves me and plans to be with me...

But...let's face it...based on the facts...
It's not..really going to happen May 1st. And maybe, it won't even happen a week after May 1st. Or the next week.

I thought (silly me) he might surprise me today...
lol...a very silly and naive thought, huh?

He didn't approach me...why would i think that he would today?

I don't think...he really wants to be with me...and if he loves me...maybe not enough like a long time ago...not enough to get out of his way and be with me..

I don't...want to try...because I've already tried...

Obviously...like they always say...
If he doesn't come for me...then he probably doesn't love me anymore..

I mean...he even hesitates to be with me...

Next friday...he'll be at court...and...i can't be hoping on that friday because it's obvious that there's a zero chance that he'll show up.

And may 1st? So assuming that he does plan to be with me...does see me somewhere with him later on...assuming that he does love me and will approach...

he and i will be together again on May 1st?

Not..even close..

I hope i'm wrong...but...maybe I should trust myself more this time.

I'll give him a few more weeks...like one...two...

If he only cares about himself and takes his time or etc...then i guess....

yeah...he doesn't love me anymore...because one, he doesn't seem to want to be with me; two, he's not even approaching/injitiating to show that he still wants me to stay for a bit because he needs like a little more time...

three...he doesn't even want to...compromise.

Sure, i love him...and if what he said is true (still loving me part)...then why isn't he willing to sit down and show me that he still needs/wants me?

Instead...all i got was "i still love you, but it's not going to happen" (somethning along that line...)

He really...doens't know me...actually...he really doesn't know me right now...

I'm trying to hold onto this hope here...i'm trying...trying my best to hold in my tears and believe that he does want to be with me..

Am i ...really not worth for him to approach...to be with...to love...to talk calmly...

I feel as though I'm the only one loving, because I'm positive that if he actually comes to me and like..apologize for certain things and try to convince me that he does want to be with me...

I'm pretty sure I'll take him back without a doubt...because i'm sure that i'll be different from before...be more like who i used to be...the good me.

But here...he doesn't seem to want to be with me...

I see those couples who are worse than he and i...
The girl was so mean too...and really...much worse than i was...-_-

and then it always seemed that they broke up...
however...her bf kept showing up and picking her up...
They're still together...they worked things out...and he couldn't even leave her for more than a day..

And here Jen is....away from him for a month...looking forward to this next week...

But...the person she loves...

Doesn't even show any sign that he still has a string tied around her wrist...any sign that he wants her to stay...any sign that they will be together again sometime soon..

=/

i think i'll post a happy post later..