♥Daily Blog: =[ (Pt.3)

I'm trying too hard to convince myself.
Convince myself that it's okay.
That it's okay if he doesn't know what I've come up with in the end.

I just..

Well...he doesn't want to be with me anymore. He's not planning to come back...

and well...even if i do tell him what i'm willing to do..

It just doesn't feel right because...

I want him to be with me because he loves me...not because what I'm going to sacrifice..

And..well..even now..he's not talking to me..

Maybe it's time for me to give up, because clearly..

he has no intention of coming back with me at all.

I mean...back then...he'd still aim me up and stuff...

But not anymore.

"Why don't you fight for his love?" his friend asks me.
"I fought for it last time. This time, I want to know if he loves me, but he's not approaching."
"True..but if you're waiting and he's not doing anything, doesn't it tell you something?"

Sometimes I can be too stubborn. Like downright stubborn stubborn. And this is an example.

I've been humiliating myself to him for two days now, and I don't think I should be feeling this way at all if he loves me.

My heart is confused, my mind is clouded.

I don't know whether to look back for him or not. I'm walking in a deserted area, and I hear no one following me.
Each day I try to listen for his footsteps, but I hear nothing.
Yesterday and today I called out his name but I hear no answer.

Maybe all of this happened for a reason...to show me that he once had loved me but this past year I've been the only one putting effort in trying to define the relationship...define needs...

Define what needs to be done..
Define what I want.

Sometimes you have to give someone a second chance, or maybe even third because you never know what kind of person you could be missing the second or third time around.

And...the concept also applies to relationships, I guess. Sometimes you have to give it a second chance, maybe even beyond a second chance because you never know how it will be the next time around.

I don't think he loves me, but I do think that he's afraid to go through another round. But has he ever thought that I'm very much afraid too?

But...sometimes...he needs to trust me...he needs to trust me when I'm asking him indirectly to be with me.

I don't want nor ask...

without a good reason.

I don't ask nor want...

without a passion, without a sacrifice, without care

He should know me by now...at least he should know me well about this: I'm very determined.

If I really want to be with him, I'd pretty much do anything within my power.

I'm crying a lot while I'm typing this up, but it's okay....

I'll get used to it....I'll get used to the no replies...the tears...the pain..

Love, to me, is a curse.
To others, it may be good luck.