12:01AM
What a surprise and something that lifts my heart. Simple small things like that...idk...just brighten the rest of my day.
But seeing him today was different that what I sort of expected. I was napping until he called me. After rushing out, I saw him lying down in his car. It seemed as if I made him wait for hours o.o
He seemed different today...
More sluggish..but not in that sweet tiring way. I've seen him tired before, and back then he would smile weakly and be all sweet and stuff. His smiles were genuine, and the way he used to speak to me was polite, kind, and honest.
He was very handsome today...well, he's always handsome but like...he looks very sharp today. I got to take more pics of him though...
I love my phone because it has a voice recorder and a video recorder. Also, it takes better pics than my other cell.
Ah...and he looked at me as if I was crazy when he saw that i only had him in my contact list. o.o
He should be happy...doesn't he feel special? I would totally like it if I were the only one on his contact list except for his mother, his home, and family.
But eh...idk...at times i can be a bit too proud of myself too...mainly about how i express my love for him through my actions...
He also looked at me as if i was some wacko when i said something like "If you die, I would still be making you monthly cards afterward."
....maybe he's not a fan of faithfulness? I mean...i feel really happy when i can do things for him and be extremely faithful...
I highly value that and...i thought he did too?
But he doesn't seem to be amazed or touched....
*sigh*
I want to be there when he needs me....i want to be someone whom he cannot live without...i want him to need me...
I show him that I am faithful in the mind, the heart, and through actions. And he is the only one who's attractive to me...he should know that -_- Yeah...i think the way he looks is just perfect in my eyes. And he used to show soo much love. I never received so much love and care ever...
and to be able to see it...
I felt complete.
I'm not sure about the reason to his behavior day but...i hope that maybe he's just scared on the inside...like...about the HIV or other diseases.
It was just unfortunate that an unsanitary old man came near his place. And being the employee and helpful person he is, he helped the old man with the products. As a result, he's at risk here...
I do pray that he will have no diseases.
But, let's say that he does...
It'll be very sad indeed. I'll be very sad that i won't be able to be close and do all the wonderful things with him..
He and I won't ever get to make love -_- then again...he doesn't seem interested....
but anyway...
I wouldn't leave him just because of disease...so...
I did try to stick THAT into his mind in case that he was worried that i'll leave him because he gets a disease -_-
In truth, I'm kinda scared...worried for him...i do want him to live a healthy long life...maybe he doesn't like to eat healthy food but...he should...i really want him to live long and healthy.
In my dreamworld...where everything is happy and improved...where it is CERTAIN that he and i will get married...well...
I always pictured him being very proud to have such a loving wife. idk...i guess....i really want to be a special someone to someone in this world...to be someone special to my special someone.
Anyway...eh...i'm being a pig lately...but i can't help it...i'm so hungry lately..craving for tofu, for popcorn chicken, for fish...ehhh
Since when do i like food -_________-
anyway..i owe 12 dollars....gahh...i must remember that.
oh...and here's another dream in visual..
ahh...happy marriage...
