♥Daily Blog: The Last Friday (Pt.2)

It was a very good day today!

So...okay...this was the last day for him to come pick me up, and he was late =/ but it's alright...

i got an iphone...got beat up in the back but...eh...

oh, i kinda was a jerk to him on purpose...so...it's better for tm...

Anyway, i kinda cried during the car ride while i stared at the back of the phone. not because it was ugly, but rather...

Everytime I'll look at this phone, it'll remind me of him, especially the way how he always gets his things beat up right away sometimes. im gonna miss him, those little clumsy and flaws that i can tolerate most of the time..

He was very possessive of me today. i was really surprised. he didn't want me to change at fry's (which i'm still confused) but his reason was that he didn't want the men to look at me? o.o i'm not that attractive...but yeah...he was like

very sad or something...he didn't even talk much...and then he pulled me toward him the whole time o.o

and...i actually kinda liked it? but...um...i've never seen that side of him so yeah.

Anyway...we went to get corsages..then ate pho 79...and then...

the block.
I changed there and then we took photos at rocknphoto! so we took a total of 12 poses! but only chose 3

he spent a lot today...so i guess there must be a reason...like yeah...

he spent his money as if today was his last too...in which...i believe that maybe i'm doing the right thing...in...letting him go physically...

But...we took tons of photos..and then! we went to the park...slow danced...kissed yayy

and then he held me with one arm and spun me around! he's soooo strong...=D

we took plenty of photos..
then i went to change in his car

and then...bought my skin at his old work place. oh yeah, i got a screen protector at fry's

anyway...

Overall, what an exhausting day!

oh yeah...we slow danced to the song "Until You" by Shayne Ward

anyway...

i'm crying right now...

he and i went back to the park and i realized that this is the last time im going there with him...being there today brought back so many memories...

I wish...this relationship won't end...but....i have to do this if he's not going to find the guy in him that had contributed a lot in the relationship.

I'm pretty sure he's still aiming girls and texting...

I should make sure, but i rather not.

Because...i'm afraid of the answer.

Overall, i'm dying inside. This is his choice. I gave him another month to really settle things, and he didn't take the opportunity. Instead, he still talks to girls and text girls. Instead, January 14 happened.

And so, he realized nothing. And he's not going to change.

If I continue to be with him, he's just going to use me. And...even though he and i both smile righ tnow, all these good times will end.

I don't wnat to deal with the same things over and over again. The major things like girls...

He doesn't wantt to be with me - if he does, he would change back for me and realized for reals this time. He won't hurt me anymore and he'll be honest with me.

I love him and i do want to be with him, but....if he's not going to improve and find the part of him i used to know...then...really...i can't be with this stranger.

I want him to want to be with me, but...he doesn't because he'll continue to do the same things.


School's back. Should I wait it out and let the things he do end the relationship? Or should I end it out now while things are good?

I decided to not write him a letter...i started to write...and it was just too painful to write. I'll just make him a card then, the anniversary card.

I should either leave him with a letter or talk to him before i go tm.

However...maybe i should just say good-bye without saying anything more....

I feel as though no matter how many times i try to emphasize the point, he doesn't want to do it...so

it's pointless.

I'm sad.

This is the last good night i receive from him...the last i lovey you.

maybe i'll cry unlimited tears tm and forever more....but...i won't follow him like i did last time...

Because this time, it isn't my fault. This time, I feel free from any harm doings of mine...

because...i've never intended to hurt him....and i don't think i have ever once...cheated on him.

I'll let fate take its toll.

I won't say anything tm...and before i go, i'll say goodbye...and that's that...

but if somehow fate shows hope...

maybe he'll realize what i want him to realize...maybe he'll talk to me before i say goodbye...maybe he'll convince me that he will finally change back...and never leave me again...

lol...and maybe, i'm just being a dumbass for believing with such good thoughts. think about it....
it's obvious that he will never change and that he won't accept my needs..

because the things eventually get worse...and he does the same things over and over...

January 14 was recent.

No, there isn't hope. Unless some miracle happened which i dbout he'll EVER do.

He's just going to let me say goodbye. He doesn't care and by not doing anything, he'll telling me that he doesn't want to be with me.

Is he really going to talk to me and settle things? Talk to me in DETAILS...and show me that he actually learned? like LEARNED....something that won't ever happen again?

haha

silly me.

Good-bye.

i have to cut....connection with him...after tm....

but...he has to know that...this isn't my choice...this is his...because he didn't take the opportunity to realize anything, and furthermore, he did that one thing on January 14.

This isn't my choice. By lying to me and cheating on me and doing those things that totally hurt me, I realized that he's been telling me "I don't want to be with you" all along.

I wish...things can be fixed

now i'm crying because i know that this will end....all signs point to goodbye...

This is what i see....

so much more i need to type but....

for once...i don't think i can type any longer...

tears are dripping from my face...

I don't think I can handle it once he goes back to school. He'll just be a better liar...he's not gonna learn....

unless he proves me wrong but...

how many times have i given him to prove me wrong? for 7 months....he proved to me that he won't change and that he doesn't care about me.

Maybe he's been telling me that he doesn't want me all along...and...

yeah...

furthermore...he gives me more hearts today...

i think...

he actually does want this to end...
and...that's his choice....not mine...it was never mine...all i've ever done was trying to be a better person for him...

all he ever did was telling me "I don't want you."

so...this is his choice...

if tm actually does come as expected....

well...as much as i'll cry...i know i'm not at fault here anymore...and...i have to cut all connection.

wo ai ni.

i'm just his backup...

I wish him the very best....

I also wish that....the relationship had ended after summer ends...because...all these months...idk...just hurts me more...

i thought he'd improve...so i tried to stay...i trusted his words...so i stayed...

now he's just taking advantage of my trust rather than treasuring it.

I silently wish that he will change back for good....and things will be better...i silently wish that...

but as of now...

it's impossible...

Tomorrow, the last day.

He seems to...show me that...he's glad that it's ending...that he really doesn't want to stay with me.

My last blog.

goodbye.

P.S. he's getting the p.o box key back...so...indeed...he does want it to end. he didn't even tell me to like "oh give the letter to me monday" or anything like that. he does...want it to end.