6:50AM
I panicked.
I ran out to the bus stop, hoping for one to come soon.
And then...when I turned my head...
His car came.
And he actually saw me.
I thought he wouldn't come.
He bought me my favorite hash browns.
For the first time ever, he bought me food in the early morning.
I saw a girl's bf buying her food once..i thought it was cute
I didn't know that it would happen to me too...
If he had never done those deadly things...if the amazing guy was still here...
I would be very happy when I saw my hash browns.
But because there are just too many things that he'd done...things that are unsettled...and from the way he behaved yd...the way he still continues to break promises...
I was left confused when I saw my hash browns. Yes, I loved them...I was craving for them still...
But...my thoughts, feelings, and my heart are injured and were more injured yesterday.
I was leaning toward one direction but when I saw what he did for me this morning,
I'm left confused. I'm happy, but at the same time, I'm neutral.
Because although I am thankful for the food and things he bought for me, especially how he thought of buying me yummy hash browns for breakfast since I've always starved myself...
I rather have the amazing guy.
I rather have him understand me.
I rather have him truly love me.
I rather have the faithful guy.
I rather have the honest guy.
I rather have the guy in him.
I rather have a reason to not worry about him going to school and work from now on.
I rather have my doubts wrong and that he WILL be a better...that he will NOT be around other girls...
I rather have him keep his promises.
Why did he asked me out in the first place? If he loves to be around so many girls, love to talk to so many girls, and did all those things with them...
Why did he want me to be his girlfriend then?
His best friend once told me, "We guys all want girls. But for me, when I do find the person I want to be with, I'll stick to that person only, especially if I'm in a relationship."
I myself admit that when I was single, I'd look around and stuff too...until I found someone whom I had a crush on...
And even when that was JUST a crush, I remained with that crush for three years.
After I gave up, I just do my own thing.
But...I later found someone I like, and that someone was him.
I was going to like him until he graduates, but who knew that he ended up liking me too.
Who knew that he'd asked me out.
Our lives should be different when we find someone we love...we grow up...we grow to be faithful and bend to the others' needs.
I can't believe that this question comes across my mind...and I also can't believe why I don't even know the answer...
If he's not going to keep his promises, improve to be better, love me and put effort in the relationship like he used to...
Why did he ask me out in the first place?
Yeah...maybe he admired my faithfulness...maybe he admired my honesty with him...
Being with him while he doesn't consider what i once told him and my feelings...
feels kind of...weird.
In the end...I think it turns out that...I'm the only one who strives to be the better person for the other, for him.
I'm the one...who still loves like...like when i first fell in love him...
the only one who's walking on the JayTee path
the one whose words...have always been true.
what am i to do now? my only option seems to be leaving because there's a high chance that he won't be the amazing guy anymore, there's a high chance that he's not sorry, a high chance that he will continue to break his promises, a high chance...
that he'll making those "mistakes" again.
If he really doesnt' want to be with me and wants others so much...
And not realizing his mistakes,
not doing anything more now
will continue to do those things in the future because he really doesn't care
I'll let him have his way.
And leave from his sight.
I just wish that there's another way...but that path is closed.
If he wants his fun, then fine. He misses out on me.
If he's smart and think about the future..about having a wife who can resist temptations, who will remain faithful to him forever, who will also be honest with him...
who is going to love him forever,
who loves him unconditionally because she will stay with him even when he loses his legs or when he's really sick...
And if he really wants that person...
Well, I'm right here. Grow up; don't follow society.
But if he wants to be blind, then okay, miss out on me.
He's not going to find another person who will be faithful to him forever, who will be honest with him 100% of the time.
He's not going to find another person who will be pretty AND love him.
And if he broke his legs, most likely the woman will find another man.
lol
Even my mother is somewhat unfaithful now, her "perfect" man is somewhat unfaithful to his wife, and my father is unfaithful.
Even my sister is unfaithful.
I'm surrounded by ppl who are unfaithful
Yet am I unfaithful? no
that's because i'm my own self. i read, i learn.
And what's more is...
I'm faithful.
And if he's not going to cherish me, then okay.
I wonder how he would feel if I sit close to other guys, flirt, lie to him, and text other guys, call other guys, hang with other guys, pursued other girls.
Sometimes...you gotta switch things around and see how YOU would feel.
but lol
if i did the same mistakes he did, that wouild show that i don't want to be with him, nor love him anymore.
haha. Eh...but since i do love him, why the hell would i do such things o.o
I cant really picture myself doing those things to him -_- why the hell would i want to hurt him like that?
that's bs.
You Are Ready, Willing, and Able to Commit
You are not scared of commitment in the least. In fact, there's a good chance that you're already committed to someone you love. You are willing to give up a little freedom for relationship stability. And once you're in a relationship, you'll do almost anything to make things work.
Quiz result was right. But eh, this is all one-sided, and now i'm just...exhausted. i've tried so hard but...the amazing guy isn't here anymore. broke promises still, things not completely settled..
