I ran across a picture that one of my classmates posted up and I must say that this is BEAUTIFUL. She's only been with him for what? 7 months?
And was the gift on a flower too? She seems very lucky, and I'm kinda glad that there are real fairytales out there. And wasn't she the one who cheated?
And yet she receives all this and I feel as if...
I'm not worthy of anything.
I guess I feel that I have no credit. Maybe it's just luck. Perhaps no matter how faithful I am to him, no matter how I have always been honest with him, and no matter how much I love him...
I don't see myself receiving one of the perfect presents.
I simply like things that are both pretty and useful to me, things that are sentimental and sweet and romantic.
Regardless of material-wise, I don't understand what is really wrong with me. Am I supposed to be a bad and immoral person in order to receive a faithful, honest, and loving guy?
I simply love this person a lot, and a simple hope and wish that he will be faithful, honest, and love me like he used...
A simple hope and wish that he will care about me like he used to...that he finally understands and will stop flirting, hanging, perhaps even to stop talking to other girls.
But most of all, I want his heart, his mind...
Because I don't have it, otherwise...he would love me and bend to my needs already.
Otherwise, things will be settled already. Otherwise...he'll change back and then improve...and those things that I have been dealing with for OVER a YEAR now will NOT happen ever again in the future.
And if he simiply doesn't truly love me, I guess I just have to let him go because I know that I can never be with someone (even though I love that person) who continues to cheat on me, lie to me, and hurt me through these ways. By staying...i am already using the bit left of my strength to not cry and to numb myself for the time being.
Until January ends...that's when I'll know...
The thought of it scares me but...to be honest...the sooner things are settled...the better...
Maybe I'll be alone graduating. Or maybe I'll be graduating with the faithful, loving, and honest Tuan being there for me.
Maybe after him, I'll never be with anyone else again. Or maybe I will have someone with me until the end, and the person is him.
"For Tuan to change, it will be a longgggg time for that to happen, and that is if it's even possible." ~a close friend of his
So in a way, I kinda lost hope already. In a way, I feel as though I'll never be with the guy I love anymore.
Even if a miracle happens and his friend and I happen to be dead wrong...
I think...only his actions can only show that he really has changed and has come back.
But see....a person will only change if he or she really sees his or her mistakes as mistakes.
A person will only change if that person would indeed say so him or herself that it IS wrong.
If you don't even admit that you're wrong and understand that you're wrong...how are you really going to be a better person?
You have to learn it, learn that it's wrong. And if he truly loves me, and definitely doesn't want to lose me, I'm sure he would be back.
I simply love him all the way from the bottom of my heart and to the top of my dreams. But if he just can't simply love me and find himself back, I'm afraid that there's just no other way out.
Anyway...I've been browsing and I'm looking some engraved things...
I wonder if he'll ever get me something like that?
lol.
Wouldn't it be so wonderful if he rrealized what I want him to realize and finally have the amazing guy back? And then...on that same day where he makes things all clear...he would give me a flower with an engraved thing on it?
It would make my heart skip a beat,
Give me another reason to give him that last chance
And then we would steal another perfect moment from the world.
But...eh...is he really going to realize anything and take it seriously?
I remember it clearly last time, then he sounded as though he really meant it and turns out that his apology was nothing.
Basically, I don't even think there's anymore hope for us.
Even if he does do what I have just dreamed about him doing...
It will still...take a lot of time...and a lot of effort from him to make things right for him..
the only way to do that is to observe his actions from then on.
Then again, who ever said that he'll realize?
A part of me is ready to cut myself loose, but another part of me is still be hold my a faint string of hope.
Jen's Dreamy Wishlist:
Engraved Heart Mirror with Jen-Jen and a very special date engraved
a pretty heart locket bracelet or necklace engraved with something meaningful, true, and romantic
eh then again...i actually really wish to receive something like my classmate did..
I guess...I'm just a romantic and someone who really loves a lot...
I'm just a girl who wishes there's a way out of this mess...
Who wishes that her someone will be romantic enough to have given me something like that
But most of all...
I just really wish that my someone...will really be my someone and never hurt me with the same things again...
things just need to be settled...
because...even though he apologized...
I still don't buy it...
I'm not convinced and...
I know that he knows that things are still unsettled.
Yet, he does nothing about it
*sigh*
I'm being kind of foolish for waiting, aren't I?
He pulled me back and I stayed...
only to receive this...to wait...to suffer a little more.
I just wish he actually made me stay for a real good reason.
That he fixed everything the moment he pulled me back.
So far...nothing..
