♥Daily Blog: I Had a Dream

It was a strange dream, yet very realistic.
Apparently...I actually left due to him not realizing anything nor apologized for anything.
It was painful, stressful, yet all of that could have been worth it if the guy in him had found his way back.
I guess this dream is telling me that....I still have that girl inside me, the girl who will do as she says...

I came across this girl...and all i can say is..."Do you realize how lucky you are?" Because here I am...waiting...WAITING for someone i love to apologize and realize what i want him to realize...WAITING for him to crawl to me...yet....
Here SHE WAS...just standing there. She doesn't have to wait, she just left him. And there her boyfriend was...telling her this :
"For someone who claims he still loves you and wants to be with you, to do something so thoughtless and careless to you, I am the one that should be truly sorry. I know you have sacrifice a lot because you always consider about my feelings. Even now I know you are very considerate about me, again I'm sorry. Remember, I've seen you at your best, and I've seen you at your worse.. I know you and I now somewhat know how you feel... again, I'm sorry..I know, regardless of how many times I say I'm sorry, nothing is going to make up the damage that I've done to you. Nothing I do or can do will ever bring the "you and me" back together... I sit here, shedding these tears of regret and remorse but I know that it is too late now... again, I'm sorry to you..."

And...here's what's interesting...he didn't want her to get tattoos or extra piercings...in a way...he loved his girl the way she looked already...he just wanted her natural beauty. Furthermore, his gf partied, etc.

And there he was...apologizing to her...thinking that it's too late...but in truth...her gf doesn't truly love him, thus...she didn't come back..

But does my lover see that? Can he see HOW i truly love him? Yet...I don't ever go party, get tattoos, cheated, lied....

Seriously...can YOU see those qualities in me and appreciate what you have now?

At times I want to slap that girl...i mean...here i am WISHING for my lover to say AND do something like that...to realize and apologize...

WHILE her bf is doing that to her and she doesn't give a damn care about what she has. Then again...if she doesn't truly love him...well then, i guess i can't blame her. but really...
If i truly love my bf and he did something like that and realized what i wanted him to realize...

EVerything will be going well again...

Why can't people see...what they have here? With love...if someone truly loves you...TREASURE that person...

Especially if the two of you are soulmates...sometimes we overlook and when we realize what we have...it's too late...

I myself...am hoping yet...nothing comes...

He's not even asking for a chance...
does he really...want to be with me...

Because all I really want is the amazing guy in him.

I think...for me to actually stay with him even when he hadn't done anything that i needed him to....i think...that's already the most my love for him can do...

Because even he didn't stay with me back then...

This seems to be all that I can do for him, though...the last bit of my love for him is used up to stay with him...for a given amount of time...waiting until he actually realizes what i want him to.

I mean...right now...I'm UNSURE that he loves me...something in which i should be certain, not unsure. Because after all, if you hurt somebody you love, immediately you would be hurt and do some thinking...trying your best to keep her before you lose her.

So...yesterday, I realized something. He seems to like watches as i like handbags. lol.
I guess I can understand him if one day he starts getting watches as a collection as i do to handbags.

Respect. It's kinda funny though.

But eh...normally...I'm not a girl with temper...I mean...I do...however, i tend to hold it in and just laugh it away.
Maybe when I go through menopause one day, if the past years he treated me well and i'm happy...most likely my way of dealing menopause may be different.

Some women will be super depressed (suicidal), some women will unleash quite a temper...moodswings!

But I'm sure...if my husband has treated me well and is understanding, i'll be happy when im sad, and i'll calm down if he makes me laugh.

There are just so many ways...

When my mother gets mad and release quite a temper, my sister would make fun of her saying "Yeah, go ahead and get all angry. You want more wrinkles??" and would demonstrate it to my mother.
My mother then started to laugh and then her temper goes away.

And then...when my mother gets mad in front of me, I tend to just listen and let her release it. I understood what she was going through so I was just whatever. However, when she starts to yell at me, I tend to say "Gosh, you're so mean" and stuff like that

and idk...she would just stop and walk away.

But...one of the best ways to deal with menopause is drinking those things made out of herbs. Very healthy, and helps balance the hormones.

Anywho...back to my love life which is my life.

Almost every morning...I would wake up and imagine myself having to have slept with him...imagine that he's next to me and has become all that i've ever needed him to be...

blehhh cheesy? idk...i guess...i really want to marry this guy but...

if only the amazing guy in him is back.

No offense but...in many parts of him...he's very immature...but of course...since i'm always thinking the good of him, i KNOW that he'll be much more mature than i am in every way once he reaches a certain age...

but...when it comes to cheating, lying...eh...

I guess now i know more about unconditional love...

It is love even when the person you love has hurt you so badly...you'll love that person still...

But...

if he's not going to realize anything or apologize....

I have to go...

Because honestly...I don't know how i'm going to handle if...he's going to lie to me, cheat on me. break those promises again...

i honestly love him...and maybe i have flaws of MYSELF like "weirdness at times, my bluntness at times...etc"

But at least..those flaws have never AFFECTED my love for him...nor hurt that love...

because i haven't cheated, lied, bleh etc.

gahhh....i'm proud of myself that i haven't done any of that to the person i love so dearly....

but now...i'm NOT proud of myself because...i'm being KIND. think about it...he's not doing anything that i deeply hope that he would do...

think about it....i love him...but he doesn't love me anymore...

16 hours of hard work =/

on the bright side...um...i like his status? but...how long is he going to keep it up...

it's going to be a new year soon...and if he's really not going to realize anything by then...

idk anymore...