♥Daily Blog: Day Nine (Pt.2)

With so many things to say, but knowing who I really am...

I would never state anything in bold words unless I'm absolutely sure.
When I'm certain, I'm certain.

He's gone. Everything that he and I have gone through, summer was the result.

Even through the tough times before, somewhere deep down inside him...there was some kind of hope that the real guy was there. I remembered how he and I spent time together each and everyday and how the love keeps growing and growing. Even when there are some rough times in between, the promises that he kept, the commitment, the love...some REAL guy in there..
Well...it brought us closer.
Perhaps when I said that he's the one, I meant it with certain. However, that guy is gone. Perhaps when he said i was the one, he was just saying it.

In truth, he and I both know who loves the other more.

I don't make promises I can't keep, and maybe, that's just me. I tame myself because I let my true love for him take over. I remember the ways he makes me laugh, the love he showers me, and the way he would say good things about me and the relationship.

But now, I realized that he doens't see any good in me nor does he allow himself to open up his eyes and see who I really am inside. It's cruel to look at who the person appears to be instead of understanding the reason behind it. There's a reason for him to love me in the first place. If he could find that reason once again, perhaps he can allow himself to take a brief look at who I really am...
And if he cares, he'll find a way to make me open up to him.

I wasn't in and over my head back then; what he and I had was genuine and sincere. I wish the relationship can make progress from time to time and continues that way. I wish it feels like it's the beginning simultaneously too. I love the feeling that he and I used to share. I don't want him and me to ever get bored, exhausted to the point where giving up takes place.

I honestly wish each month can pass by in a way where I would find that time sure passes by quickly. I thought that summer was a new beginning for him and me...that we will eventually be used to the problems and be experts in dealing with them...

Eventually to the point where he and I don't have to struggle as much, to not try so hard to past month by month. I thought it will begin to flow by naturally, freely, and quickly...

How many times can one look at someone and say that he/she is the one?
Millions.
But how many times of that million did one fool him/herself?

Me? I'm not sure. It's not like I've changed.

He changed. No matter how many times he denies it, I wish he would observe himself nowadays.

As expected, he also put something ahead of me. I'm not asking for first priority (although I really wish to be first priority) but I just wish he's still there.

How can you let someone live a lie?

I don't even feel good about myself anymore. Apparently, he's disappointed of this relationship, ashamed to say that I'm his gf, ashamed that he's in a relationship with me.
Even when his mother already knows, he still doesn't do the things he used to do.

What can I do? Nothing. I'm tired of trying to prove myself to him. He refuses to look at me the same way, and he's changed.

I know that one day he can be an amazing guy; I know that for sure.

And sadly, I won't be the one receiving the full and real love he gives.

I admit that up until now, the good things he's done...

It's very nice and sweet to be the one receiving
But it pains a lot when I'm not the only one receiving.

Sadly, I am giving the good luck to the next girl who comes across his mind.

Letting go of someone I love is by far the most difficult thing to do.
He became the guy who gave me hope to love freely again, to not be afraid to love. I've been shattered many times before, but those were just unrequited "i like you's"

Just as I began to give up hope, give up love,

Tuan Vu came by and showed me what true love is and that I can get that feeling while I'm with him.

He gave me support, he gave me an ear, he gave me an eye

Even when sometimes I say the wrong things, he would understand it and then talk to me kindly about it, simlutaneiously implementing my thoughts in them and explaining why i should think that way while understanding why i think that way in the first place.

He was my everything.