♥Daily Blog: Day Five: Oh, Dear.

I know. I'm crazy. I'm eccentric.

Happy when I shouldn't be. Laughing when I shouldn't be.

Of course, I am deeply deeply deeeeepppppppppply depressed.

But...

I need to be strong. I've been criticized too many times...criticized by the person I love most.

I know what he thinks of me now. I know that he has broken the promises...

But...I can't...live in this...stupid facade anymore. Yeah, no one will ever get beneath my facade.

However...it's this vulnerable self that I'm revealing. This isn't who I am.

I appear different to people...

But if they get to know me...they will describe me the way my best friend had described me.

But...at the same time, who I really am...is in chains.

I'm hurt. But...karma will find its way (: I've loved too much and receive barely anything in return. I've apologized too often...tried to be a better person for him too often...coming to him too often...being honest with him all the time...

I'm sure...those are good qualities, yeah? (:

I need to be strong.

No one will ever know who I really am...

But...if someone wants to see who I really am, I'm sure that person will see.

But...in the meantime...

I must let go...of this other facade, this other being. My dark half.

I'm hurt, depressed each day...but I now must conceal the pain with a smile.

When someone is able to understand even through that smile...then that's the person who cares. And when someone actually feels the pain I feel and does something to make it better...

Then that's the person who truly does love me.

I got a new cd, all thanks to my sweetie. I can hear my heart singing for joy, I see myself smiling so much today...perhaps...all the rain from months ago...

Apparently...after the rain...there must be sunshine.

I can't wilt forever. I must maintain my beauty (lol i have no beauty).

But...I can't wilt for so long; otherwise i'll die, for my health physically is extremely bad.

And it will continue to worsen if I continue to cry.