♥Daily Blog: And what if?

My mind was absent for a few hours...

the first thought that came into my mind was..

What if the amazing guy in him never existed?

I mean...what if...he had been lying to me about his promises during july too...and august too...

And that I was trusting him and believing his words....thinking that he was telling the truth and was keeping his promises...

which...he really wasn't and i just THOUGHT that the amazing guy did exist?

Eh...but no matter...

Perhaps he did exist...for awhile...

But now...when i think about the times after august...picturing scenes...

all of a sudden...a thought comes to my mind about...

Would he do it again?

Think about it...

He hurt me without feeling anything...cheated on me and lied to me no matter how many times i asked him...reminded him about his promises...

Maybe...I love him so much that I am now blind...with the things that he had done...

Can one honestly believe that if he DID apologize...can one honestly believe that he won't make the same mistakes three times (or more)?


There's a saying...

You'll be surprised to know how far you can go from the point where you thought it was the end. When you feel like giving up, rememeber why you held on for so long in the first place. Sometimes you have to give someone a second chance, or maybe even third because you never know what kind of person you could be missing the second or third time around. You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses.
~Hope

eh...well ONE thing i know for sure..is that...

when he gave the relationship another try last time....

he did see the better me...and...i don't think i've become worse...except...more mature on the inside...

i thought...he wouldn't be worse...who knew...

It's very depressing....

You love someone so much and you know that somewhere inside that person, there is a better self in there...
And then...when you find that self...

Before you know it...it's gone away...

Society is really dying....of all the books i've read..the things I grew up with. ever since i was a toddler...

society wasn't THIS bad.

Usually...if your lover gives you a present, that should be the only present that's from the oppositite sex (excluding parent, relative)

Since when do you have soooo many friends of the opposite sex? Most likely you'll cheat, betray, and lie. Like...one out of 20 would be strong and smart enough to stick to what he/she knows is right.

Since when if flirting okay?
Since when does a girlfriend texts to soooo many guys other than her boyfriend?
Since when does sex with so many ppl happen?
Since when...?
All kinds of drugs, illegal ones...clubs...parties...girl and boy living together...

How far can this go?

I had so many dreams with the love of my life one day...

I've written so many short stories...
Making a list of my dream guy...

Seems so impossible to find someone with those qualities...

Right now...my lover is my dream guy...(excluding cheating, lying, etc)

Even I...myself...start WRITING cuss words again o.o

so like...everyone says it...and cussing seems to have become "acceptable"

But like the oddball i am...i stick to what i know is right...and i hate myself for being drifted in some way with the society now...

hate it.

To grow up in a much innocent world...and watching it dying...it saddens me...

When the person i love now...
How will i know he's not going to do it again? I don't know that.

I would let go, because I know i cna't tame him...I can't bring that amazing guy back...

Furthermore...if he's not back...he doesn't want to be with me...and basically...i'm really thinking of him...

It's funny how...

Nice girls go for the jerks.
Mean girls go for the nice guys and jerks.

What's funny is that...nice guys go for the mean girls...
and the jerks usually go for the nice ones but would fool around with the mean ones

so confusing...

I guess i'm a nice girl because...i go for jerk...hoping to help the jerk find the good in him

eh...

idk.

I've known my lover since he wore glasses...and strangely....i actually like that...

after all...

he's smart and has beautiful handwriting...and he draws too. And he likes anime too, and he's actually okay with me collecting Tuan Vu things.

What can i say though? Unlike his love for me...my love for him is fresh...

i mean...i never quite admit this but...

i still get that tingling feeling whenever i'm about to see him...

i am still shy around him...
whenever i'm in his arms...idk...i'm not sure if he can see it but...i get really shy..

whenever he asks me questions...i would just nod...even afraid to do or say anything...
I guess...i am feminine in some way? i like to feel protected by him...

Although I feel...weird about the recent making love thing...

i admit that...i like the way how it started...
he kissed me throughout the whole time...and did NOT come direct in my certain areas right away...

he keeps me guessing...and i like the way he touches me...feeling me...but no directness...most of the time he kissed me and stuff...

it wasn't until near the end when he slowly touched me directly at certain areas...

although i must say...he doesn't have a lot of energy...well...okay...it dies really quickly? eh...

but...um... i love his kisses and innocent touching ways.

eh...but really...

it shouldn't have happened...not like this...not when things are unsettled...