The silence is cold.
We're stuck at a dead end.
Should I read the signs and leave and let you be?
Now I'm standing at this roadblock
And there's no way around it.
I've been waiting for your mind to change
It feels so one-sided.
I saw us break, I watched us fall.
It made no sense to me at all.
You say that you will, but then you don't,
So I'm going to take this step alone.
In my heart of hearts I always knew
This jump was way too far for you.
You say that you will, but then you don't,
I'm going to take this step alone.
So give me a reason
Why you're on the outside when you should be here.
We're no good together so maybe it's better?
I'll walk alone but you'll always be near.
But this mirror that I'm looking in
There's no reflection with you
The sanctity I found deep in your arms,
It was a false alarm
And it burns,
Yeah it hurts.
I lie awake at night
And think of what we could have been if nothing had changed
Then we chose to go our separate ways
Instead of meeting each other half way
And if I had to choose, I'd have you by my side
T (10:02:16 AM) : Hey
T (10:02:21 AM) : check ur email
T (10:02:29 AM) : i think you will be surprised
J (10:36:46 AM) : =O
J (10:36:49 AM) : tuan is on???
J (10:39:41 AM) : hey...happy father's day. (ur tori's father (: ) i have to go now...sore throat -_-
J (10:39:47 AM) : if i'm better later, i'll get on
J (10:39:51 AM) : ily
T (10:58:01 AM) : thanks :]
T (10:58:38 AM) : ur tofu parent too xP
T (10:58:45 AM) : i hope u do get better
What hurts is when he couldn't defend that he is keeping his promises. I guess somewhere deep in my heart, I was hoping that I was deeply wrong...
But I wasn't...and perhaps I have had every reason to feel insecure back then.
He broke...all his promises...promises that were made because he loved me...because he loved him and me...because he understood me...because he saw from my perspective. Because he wanted to be the better lover.
It stings a lot...doesn't it? When all this time...nothing was true.
So...now what? I don't know.
I just don't know.
Perhaps making love will never be..making love....
Maybe there was a reason for those other days..
I realized that...even though I wanted it...the feeling's not the same...
He's an entirely different person.
Or shouild I say...the same person I once knew.
He...got kind of angry when I told him I couldn't get out. I was afraid..but...instead of easing me...he sounded insulted or...impatient...angry that I won't get out.
I don't know what's going on anymore.
His family seemed to have accepted me...
but...
I don't know about him...
I'm not sure...if there will be a celebration of the anniversary...and if there will be...I don't think it'll come out right...the same as before anymore...
Just like..making "love" today..entirely different.
He broke all his promises...every single one...
He values honesty...and was happy that he could trust me...I remember the first time when he told me I was able to hold his trust for so long..
I felt happy...and glad that he valued honesty too..
Yet...I've been the one..honest..and faithful...all along.
I feel like...a toy...it wasn't making love at all...his expression...what he thought...
Maybe it was no surprised since I feel as though...I'm not the person he loves anymore
Maybe...he only sees me as a friend now...
How does it feel to be with someone...when you know that he or she is doing...other things...
He and I...aren't even close anymore...perhaps we were never best friends in the first place...perhaps...he was mine..but i was never his.
Those promises were made out of his realization and love for me. He wanted to be better...for us...he made those promises because he learned from his mistakes...he made those promises for him and me.
But when he broke all of them, how can I ever look at him the same way? He broke them which shows that he never learned from his mistakes; he never improved to be a better person. Furthermore...he's going to keep lying to my face...I don't think it's possible...that things will be like before. I don't think it's possible that he truly loves me anymore. I don't think it's possible...that he will never lie and not break a promise again..
Perhaps it's possible, but very unlikely. Maybe I never woke up until now...
All those tears made me see that...the beautiful relationship was over...it was long gone...and it took me for quite a while...to realize that.
All I want is true love...
True love = unconditional love = loyalty = honesty = dedication = commitment = promise keeper = care = considerate
And much more...
Maybe the list seems long...but in truth...if you truly love someone...you don't even have to try...to do all of the things from the list...because
It all just comes out natural. You just don't want to hurt the person you love, and you would do anything for them...be genuinely happy because the person is yours.
