There were only...4-5 times...where I would come out and found him waiting for me..
Other times...he would be late...
Many times lately...he won't come until later...
And today...I will never forget...first time too...
No message...anywhere...
The days...have never mattered to him like they have mattered to me..I see couples treating their date nights with respect...treating their days with respect...something important to a loved one
Yet to him...just a whatever or so it seems...he comes when he wants to...either by day or by time...
But other times I will receive some kind of message so I can be aware; however, not today. If I had not given up, I would still be out there...in the cold...shivering in tears...
So this...is how it will be.
Perhaps deep inside, I already knew...
That this was his answer...
Maybe from here on out, now that i've given up, i can only smile to cover the pain and loss of the beautiful relationship and amazing guy that i once knew. And if i cry...i will hide the tears...by either walking ahead of him...or turning my head. he will never be able to hear the difference in my voice...
Why should I cry...and hurt him too....the relationship is lifeless...all i can do...is briefly hold it together...
If I am hurt...I should be the only one hurt. I can't let him see me cry...though he won't care even if he sees them...it's better this way...
I wish I can be comfortable crying in front of him...i wish he cared and apologized because he loves me...and understands...realizes where he's wrong.. and wants me happy again. But a wish like that will only come true in my very own fantasies.
I don't have his answer, but the amazing guy is already gone. And I've given up, so I'm gone.
Perhaps...he will never see her..the girl in me...but...he'll see...one side of her..
And that side of her...is the way she will smile...and cry alone. Hurt alone.
I will never bring him into my sadness...ever again.
T (11:14:45 PM) : well
T (11:15:02 PM) : its a nice way to end ur summer xD
T (11:15:04 PM) : but
T (11:15:12 PM) : our summer nvr ends xD
J (11:15:18 PM) : lol eh?
J (11:15:19 PM) : haha
T (11:15:25 PM) : yeah
T (11:15:31 PM) : u go back to school
T (11:15:32 PM) : but
T (11:15:38 PM) : the summer in us will nvr end xD
J (11:17:12 PM) : aw
J (11:17:13 PM) : yay
J (11:17:16 PM) : (:
T (11:17:22 PM) : hahaa
T (11:17:26 PM) : a bit happier now? xP
J (11:17:47 PM) : mhm
