These are sooo cute! http://www.forever21.com/product.asp?catalog_name=FOREVER21&category_name=dress_casual&product_id=2061096732&Page=all
http://www.forever21.com/product.asp?catalog_name=FOREVER21&category_name=dress_casual&product_id=2065712868&Page=1#
As for the costume...i must...postpone until next year! Must learn how to sew this difficult dream costume!
I need a new book to read -_____________-
Little Jay wants a matchmaker mulan doll, that one icemaster card, and the pink clow cards.
Miss Jenkneefurr needs help on getting her senior pictures and yearbook! She also would like a new camera and a new cool cell phone.
Inner Jen wants that one usb cord so she can connect her keyboard to her laptop! She must finish this song...she must...and she also needs another usb to organize her computer storage things!
dun dun dun~
mk, no more personality disorder.
Well, let's see...I'm sooo amazed by Trish's photos! She went to Culver city to visit Royal T, a place to explore the Hello Kitty Art!!!!
Truly fascinating!
I seriously want to go there...
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Lately...idk...I feel like I'm not perfect for him. Maybe...I'm too fat but he's just being nice and said that i'm not? And that looks DO count??
idk..ever since i got fatter, he acts...somewhat distant toward me.
Other than that...I feel lost. I feel as if...he would be happier if I were somewhat different than who I am now.
Like...even if I do become a better person...I wonder if that's enough...
And I feel so down, so terrible, so confused.
"Funny. It sounds difficult to make you happy, but when I think about it, what you want is just...so simple."
"How so?" I asked.
"Poems, songs, anything romantic...all of those things are...love. You just want to be loved and to live on the true, beautiful nature of love. That's all you want."
"Um..right," I uttered.
"Well, think about it. Has he ever done anything for you that lifts your heart and spirit in an instant?"
"Yeah..."
"Name me one."
"Giving the parts of lyrics from a song that applies to him and how he feels toward me."
"And what did it do?"
"I uh...felt very happy and teary -_-."
"Well...there you go. Anything cute, romantic...basically love...or in what you call it "true love". What you want is so simple. What you need for your soul is so simple.
It's not difficult at all. If it's difficult for somebody to give you true love in your form, maybe that person doesn't have that kind of love toward you. Otherwise, it would be so easy, and he would know so too."
"I don't know...is it really that simple?"
"Almost every girl would want materials, money, and a 'hot' guy. But you, you just want to be loved. You want to be loved uncondionally and to be loved for real. Though I'm sure you like materials and money [well...need money], true love and the act of it is what YOU need for your soul and what you desire. And you don't go for looks."
"Well...no i don't go for looks...well I guess it depends on my eyes. But...idk...i mean...i don't go for looks but i do want my lover to dress nicely in front of me and for me. Pretty much it. And yeah..you're right about the first part."
"What you want is so simple."
"Um...I see."
"And I just realized something based on what you're doing lately."
"Um...what's that?" I asked, surprised.
"You're insecure and unstable."
"Well...explain. Why would you say that?"
"You don't feel loved by him. You're looking around and trying to be someone whom you think he will love. But...why would you do that if he already loves you? Why would you do that if you're exactly the person he wants? Unless, you're not sure how much he loves you and not sure if he really sees you as his perfect person."
"-_- haha really..."
"Am I right?"
"mhm.."
"Looking at you like this makes me sad. We don't see each other in years, but up until now, you're still the same old Jennifer I met in junior high. You always strive for perfection, and seeing you striving to be loved...Idk...I can't help crying after picturing what you're doing."
"Weirdo...it's just me. lol. don't cry (:"
"I'm sure he'll get to see this kind and soft side of yours if he really tries too look inside of you. Eh...it saddens me, you know? I'm picturing you in this scene. You're like...a little orphan girl crawling around and looking for a piece of crumb from a cookie."
"-_-"
"You're insecure, huh?"
"Yeah...even though he has told me many times that he loves me a lot, I'm just...unsure. 'cause how can one love someone a lot and let her go? I mean...it was just once but...that 'once' shows me that he doesn't love me as much as i thought he does. Even until now, I still wonder how much he loves me."
"you're frigtened...scared."
"exactly."
"I wonder...would he have done what you did...if you were him and he were you back then? Would he have done all that you had done?"
"As much as I wish the answer were yes, I'm...I'm hesitant about it."
"Sigh. I also notice that you're spending time with him as if the day is ur last."
"idk if i'm loved uncondionally by him. i just...want to do all that i can...wanting to be someone...someone perfect for him...even if i have to change who i am...idk...what would make him love me...," I replied, slowly.
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He's an extremely awesome guy. He's so giving, unselfish when it comes to things, and he's just great. I am very proud to have him as my soulmate...(or so i hope he is? depends how much he loves me...).
Whenever I see something cute, he always asks, "You want it?"
He's very kind in his own way. He IS a gentleman in some ways...well...in just a few ways. Still, I truly admire that quality of him. He knows that I like cute things...things that are cool too...and he's so giving...unselfish when it comes to materials.
I truly admire that about him. He even gives me some coins for ice cream or chips. Okay, so he treats me as if I'm his child...which does make me feel...weird bc i feel childish...
And I'm sure he wants a mature person. Well...he was thoughtful then.
As long as he loves me...in that kind of way...as his lover...i'm good...then again...i notice that we haven't been doing much of "couple" things...
What kind of love...does he have for me? how much does he love me?
If he sees me as his child...that's...kind of dangerous...because...i'm not his love interest...
However...today...after talking to someone, I realize how proud I am to have him all to myself.
"Yes, he goes to college. He got accepted into several UC's such as UC Berkeley, but right now, he's saving up his money."
"Hm, he works at Fry's."
"Mhm, we're still together. Our one year is this week."
"Ah...he has work so we might have to move it to another date."
For the first time, I felt so proud...showing him off like that lol. My friend was awed by the fact that he works at Fry's. lol...seriously, who doesn't like Fry's? That store is awesome...it has amazing softwares! So I wasn't surprised when my friend was amazed.
and...I also...have never realized...how strong the bond between him and me are until now.
It may not be strong as I hope it should be, but it's stronger than most...
Although...I don't want to compare to most...I still hope for the bond to grow more...continue to improve...
But overall...yeah...
I've never been so happy...
*sigh* the one year celebration won't be on the original day...saddest thing ever...eh...well at least i know what my present is...prom pics. eh oh wells. just glad he and I are still on good terms...hopefully it will continue to be better...as time passes
I'm so proud of him...
But then...what if his friend asks about me? What is there for him to say...to show me off? Maybe...maybe I'm just not good enough for him...
Perhaps the convo with my best friend earlier was true...she knows me too well...i'm insecure, unstable...still wonders...seeking for answers...
