♥Daily Blog: I Just Don't Need Another Yelling

I just don't need another yelling. Never had my feelings been so hurt. I'm a sensitive person, and I'd never thought that a lover would yell at me or raise his voice at me. The way he spoke was just too much. Even if he was fighting against the outside noises, it was the choice of words he chose, the tone he chose...those were just too much.

This isn't right. I shouldn't feel like my lover is my parent. I shouldn't be crying, and I shouldn't receive such tone and words from him.

Isn't that...what differentiates a lover from parents? A lover is someone who understands your needs and is gentle with you....especially....the guy...shouldn't he be gentle...

I always want to see him, regardless of what my mood is. But he always asks...what kind of guy would want the girl to tell him everything about what she likes, etc.?

Isn't the point of the relationship is to bond and understand the other person to a level that nobody else can? No...my friend was right...he truly...doesn't know me....

When does he ever say, "Hey, sorry I got out late. Well, I'm going to drop by and pick you up. Do you think you can go?"

From this question...it shows that he knows my intention...it shows that he knows ME.

Up until now...he doesn't even know that i treasure our times together...he doesn't even know. Of course I want to hang out with him. Of course I want to see him. And even if I'm mad, he doesn't even care to want to calm me down.

"Depends on your mood."

Yet...I thought our bond was very strong already...

By the way he thinks of things, our bond is still weak. He doesn't know how I feel, my intentions, or even bother to fix anything.

Yet, he yells at me so well, ignoring me spriritually so well, and raising his voice so well.

In the end...all it took was the way he tried to mock me and hurt my feelings. He doesn't love me at all. If he really loves me, hurting my feelings is the LAST thing he would ever want to do.

I had to refuse...though I still wanted to see him...all it took was the things he said...all it took were those...to weaken my character...to belittle me...

I had to say no...because...I know that he doesn't want to see me as much anymore...furthermore...he didn't even resist it...he just agrees...

I still wanted to see him...but...inside...I'm shocked...to be treated this way.

Best for him...to not see me...for if he does see me, he'll yell at me and then throw all this fuss...and then say "Not this again." Then he would sigh and blame everything on me indirectly.

No practice today....


I was happy....I was very happy....


For nothing.

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"Your boyfriend should make you feel happy and good. Even if you were having a bad day, at least when you spend time with that special person, he should make you feel relax and happy. But if all you do is get in fights, and he makes you cry and feel really bad, then he is not necessarily being a good guy. And if he truly cares about you, he would look at his weak points and improve."

We all know that nobody is perfect. The main thing is that we should seek to be all that we can be for that special person. To love is to want the best for that person...to offer your best...to be there for that person.

"Maybe he's one of those that you've got to sit down and seriously talk about it. Like sit down and tell him how much you like spending time with him and blah blah blah."

And...i told him that...many times..haven't i?

"His mind isn't as developed as yours. Why do you think that women always tend to marry older men?"

but he is older...o.o

Another thing...he's not that concern with my safety. or so it seems. When he waits for me or pick me up, he doesn't get out of his car and walk me to it. As for my neighborhood, he's showing me that he's worried and cares about me and looks out for me if he waits for me at the black gate. And for school...he doens't even get out of his car...

And seriously...i've seen boyfriends getting out and wait for their girlfriends...and guess what? The girl who was unfaithful doesn't get punished or anything. Instead...she gets a better guy...and she doesn't even love him as much as i love my bf...

and yet...the guy lovers her and is being a gentleman..

"If he weren't your boyfriend, that will be okay. But seriously....he is not a gentleman."

Perhaps...his mind...really isn't fully developed...as mine....

i wish...i were...immature...then...

maybe he just doesn't care. perhaps i should stop trying and take things slowly. i mean...i'm doing all these things...exhausting my mind and body. if i were trying to make him, that's differnt. i wont' give up.

but what's the point of trying when the other person isn't willing to accept and put effort?

nothing more i can do. if up until this point..and nothing's being done...seen...feel...

there really isn't anything i can do. he raises his voice at me..ignores me...retaliates...seriously...if he loves me..

do i really...deserve this

perhaps...i really should just let...things take its toll. i can't save it. i'm on my own.