♥ Daily Blog: Insecurities

It's hard.

Mother's being witchy again.

Placing limits...resulting he seeing other ppl besides me during the day

i guess i just want to be his focus of the day? just when things are okay...somebody just has to step in and make things hard for me.

I'm also quite glad that he's taking choir so he can sing better for me...

at the same time i'm worried still.

choir does a lot of things...perform and presenting...etc...

knowing who he is around other girls...knowing how he acts around them...i'm afraid that things won't look too good at some point if he takes up choir...

hard...

furthermore, during summer he has less temptations

what happens when college starts?

even my former best friend asked me, "Now that college starts for him and you're in high school, you can't keep an eye on him. And look at what happened even when you were there. It might get worse later. You don't know that. It's easier in the summer, but what happens when summer is over? Are you sure that he will keep whatever promises he has made you? Just keep this at the back of your mind. It's summer. The real thing is when summer is over."

She's right. She knows how I am insecure.

It's hard. Especially when things did NOT end so well on that last few days of school. THAT is another thing that is making me doubt so much.

Even when we were on good terms, he gave into those temptations.

I'm afraid...this will be hard on me...how can i forget when something like that has happened even when we were on good terms?

I'm not sure what I'm looking for...

I might have to deal with this on my own...left confused...I'm so scared...as the summer ends...I'm more afraid...

As mother limits...I'm afraid that...
idk...

Giving up a friendship that was meant to me for so long and so much....

Would he have ever done the same?

I don't think so...

And it's okay.

He can't outdo me.
Nor does he seek to.

I guess I just have to enjoy...whatever I have as of now...