♥ Daily Blog: A Drift (Pt.2) -EDITED

I just realized that today's the last whole Monday with him...the last full week...Thursday's the next and last day I get to see him and have a good time with him...after all...i never get to see him on Tuesdays

I just want the core...I know what it is...I know what it contains..bc i know what i need...i know what i desire...i know how significant it is...

I'm not able to heal...

I was watching Secret Life and seriously, that girl's name is in this episode. and guess what? apparently, the faithful bf proved to be faithful when a new girl approached him and asked him out and when he told her he had a gf and rejected her, she was like "so what? things aren't that good between u guys. i can give u more fun and make things better for u."
when he still rejected her, she told him, "we're just friends. she should be okay with that."

yet, the bf knows well about how his gf feels, and yeah. of course, the character wasn't close to how i wanted, for there were things that he did that i absolutely hate...and if i were to change the script, it would be much better and reveal more of his faithfulness rather than leaving the audience to question his faithfulness.

yet STILL, he stayed faithful. his gf, like me, is possessive and doesn't like him being around with other girls. he stayed faithful. although there were some things that i didn't like in the episode..for it reminds me of that stupid period. but other than that...i guess if i were to change the story a bit...he would just walk away from her after politely apologizing.

of course, seeing this episode and comparing it to my lover right now, i'd say that my lover is far better than the character.

i really do appreciate what he does. i just wish he can see how much the promises he made affected me happily. it was...the first and only thing that he came directly in contact with my internal needs and wants...and actually did something about it...i wish he knows how much i'm happy that he is and will keep those promises...

i didn't know what heals me until i started to type to him. yet...nothing.

i guess secretly...down deep inside...i know that i won't get it.

the way he says things...they implied that i took the things he do for granted.

nothing is ever enough. I wish he would understand that nothing is limited. There is always more to strive for...perhaps...

all i need left...is to heal...be secure...and for all of that...i want the core...if he has given me the core already...i would be heal and secure and happy..

yet...today...he literally rejected to even give me the core. he doesn't know it though. i'm not close to getting it. he won't give it.

all that's left...all that's left...why must it stop here...i think...things just got worse..and now...there are more things left...more drifting away...

perhaps the happy ending...is moving on...along carrying the hurt of knowing that he never gave me the core...

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I just can't believe he used such a combo of words and gave me a tone that i absolutely do NOT like.