♥ Daily Blog: More Time?

*sigh* Maybe I needed more time. Maybe I wasn't supposed to talk to him so soon.

After coming back from a long day, I just wanted to talk to him.

He gets out of work so late, and then he needs to go to sleep.

Darn it. Maybe I should have taken a whole week off =/

So hard to mask my emotions...seems like I just have to do it, and perhaps use this blog to express my emotions?

Or...I just change my style of typing on this blog...and record my emotions out on paper.

Talk about business! I'm so not his business partner. He's doing all of this alone.

I was so refreshed and felt like a different person...and just recently I find myself being down in the dumps with my old self again.

Ugh. I don't want to go back home...I don't want to ever go back home...why must I have to go home...in this city? =/

So on my way home, I made out a list. Now, that this has taken me to a new direction...here's what I came up with:

1. He went out on the day that I was gone.
What I'm thinking from this: Well, if he can go out and have somebody to be with while I'm not there, then there's no need for him to spend time with me. lol. I'm not sure if I'm hurt or not. I'm trying to laugh and smile while feeling a cut in my heart.

2. He didn't tell me much about his days.
What I'm thinking from this: He might have talked to someone else. I read his messages. I'm sure things have happened and he must have talked to someone. He might have broken his promise. hahaha i'm so not sure how i feel right now...but i'll keep smiling

3. Nothing that exciting about this welcome back convo.
What I'm thinking from this: so like...I woke up at 3:55AM and had a super long day today. I would have gone to sleep but had decided to come on to see what's up with him.
And all I get is something that didn't make me feel...warm...

D: and all along I missed him

What to do now?

I think I need more time away.

Feeling insecure again...

I seriously don't want to come back now...

I've worked so hard to be happy and mask my emotions.

well I can still smile in front of him and hide my inner emotions from him.

but...i'm not sure how much time I need...I just know that I need time...and I will take as much time as I will need.

I don't know what he will be doing lol. I don't know who he will be talking to.

I just know that I'm getting sick again.

LOL i'll just blog my way through...

eekk...must smile...if i get too deep...ima snap out of it and write in journal LOL

sooo i planned to not go anywhere with parents tm so then i can talk to him, but now I'm sick again.

*sigh* need more time...i just need more time...

i might as well go out tm and eat a light breakfast...then go to the pet hotel and pick up my beloved Miki and Coco!

wheeee.....

uh-oh...breathing heavily again! bad sign! =[

pichas up tm....yay