♥ Daily Blog: Down in the Dumps

I woke up at six today to get ready for my SAT Reasoning test. Ticket, check. ID card, check. Two number two pencils, check. Calculator, check.

I printed the map yesterday. My dad drove me to UCI. *sigh* If I were driving, we wouldn't get lost. What's the purpose of the map if he's not going to follow it? I was giving directions, but I was a bit lost myself too. UCI was huge. In the end, I was saying directions while I wasn't certain. But in the end, I did it. *sigh* Am I the only one who knows my streets and directions? I don't even know how to drive yet.

The whole duration of the test was okay. I was used to the long waiting. I was the only asian in the classroom lols.

Overall, I think UCI's cool. Maybe I'll try to get in it instead of going to a community college.

The test questions were STUPID. I'm trying to forget this whole situation and all these relationship questions popped up. Ugh.

Something hit me as I daydream during my ride home. I wonder if it's possible to even be friends after a relationship. He wasn't just someone I love in that way. He was my best friend too. Seeing that he didn't even give me another chance tells me that he didn't trust me as a best friend. So how is it possible? It's not even possible to be just friends, because we were together as if we're best friends too.

However, yesterday at break, one of my senior friends ran after me. I must say that she's a great friend, after all. She asked me, "What happened between you and him? You guys still together?"
"Why? And no," I replied, pondering.
"This might be hard on you, but he was flirting with a lot of girls at the senior assembly. He was sitting next to this girl really close. He was also putting his arm or hand on the girl's shoulder or something. Basically, he was whispering to her and talking to her VERY close."
"I see."
"You okay?"
"Yeah. Sure. Thanks for telling me. You're a great friend."

I just left, dazed. Seeing this picture in my mind, I don't think he ever loves me at all. He was using me and experiencing with me. That was all.

There are guys who are comfortable around girls, but, there has to be a limit when they have a girlfriend. I've known my locker buddy for years, and he was very flirty. However, once he had a girlfriend, he reduced his flirting and kept his distance.

Capricorns are known as the most faithful lover of all signs. Yet, seems to me that I'm more faithful than he is. I forgot. This Capricorn will only settle if he's satisfied.

-_- Why can't he be a Capricorn who IS faithful and honest. I mean, I know I have a Virgo sign, which was why he and I have so much potential. However, he just gave up. Therefore, he never loved me at all.

Somehow, I already knew that he wouldn't change his mind if he read the email. After all, he tried to understand her. Heh. Yeah. He sure knows girls, huh. She was trying to pick up a fight. I may not know her well, but I've seen her behavior before. She's not who she appears.

My English teacher told me yesterday, "Even if you know that if he happens to date a girl who is bad for him, there's nothing you can do. Even if you try to help, there's nothing." She even cried =/ She told me something that I just wish he realized that.

Overall, I'll never get into another relationship again. Every part of me has been "violated" so I don't think the next guy really deserves me. Either I'm with him or not. Since I'm not, no more dating. I'm done. Finished. As I've said before, I will one day be that one successful beautiful tough girl whom nobody can touch.

I'd never ever thought that I would date someone who would be so flirty and doesn't even know how to keep a limit.

But...overall...even if the side he has shown me was fake, I don't regret anything.

yeah. no more love, please.
My heart is weak, but my mind is strong. If my mind is weak also, then yeah, that's when things are dangerous around me.

But whatever. My video is finally viewable rofl. *sigh*

WHATEVER. :] Jen has learned. Jen won't repeat. Too bad she wasn't given a chance to prove herself. whatever. Only this girl knows the truth :]