♥ Daily Blog: Down in the Dumps (Pt.3)

The statement "It's better to have loved than to not love at all" is ironic and ambiguous. We tend to totally agree with this statement when we're happy. However, when we're broken, we will think, "Screw that statement."

True. It's possible to be happy with him and having love. However, I can also be happy without love...by being cold-hearted. So far, the ice has formed inside of me. No one can "melt the snow" as of now.

Reflection in reference to "What Love Is" the song:

Beautiful, horrible, magical, terrible.
Reason to laugh and smile.
Reason to cry yourself to sleep at night.
Start a fight. Make up, break up, wrong or right.
Heaven for all its worth can
equally be hell right here on earth.
(And no one really knows anything about it)

- Love is beautiful and magical, because it can bring us the greatest moments and lifts our hearts up. Love is horrible and terrible, because it can bring us the greatest nightmares and brings us down. Love can make one smile and laugh. Love can hurt a person to the point where the person cries his or herself to sleep.
And he and I did have a fight. We made up. We break-up (those close ones). We were wrong. We were right. We were so happy (0r so I have believed) and were so in pain.

Darkest day, brightess night.
- I remember the terrible days we had. I remember the nights when we just don't want to go to sleep and stayed up talking to each other. I remember that chem night.

And it feels like joy, and it feels like pain.
And it feels like sunshine, feels like rain.
-I remember being truly happy. I remember being truly depressed. I remember finding myself falling asleep in his arms for a few minutes. I remember he and I cried our hearts out together.

An excuse for dying, reason to live.
-I have wanted to die, because I was loving too much. I have wanted to die, because I would die for someone I love. I would die because of love. Yet, I live because I love him. I live because of love. I live because he was loving me too much (or so I think he did?)

Gentle kiss, sweet caress.
Kiss the base of your neck.
-I remember those passionate, romantic days. A wonderful feeling, I must say.

argue until my head hurts, I can't remember what you said.
Out, screaming loud, don't know what were screaming bout.
So confusing yes its true, but if it wasn't there what would we do?
-I remember growing tired and angry when I can't think straight. I can't remember the things I told him, because everything was jumbled in my mind. I remember yelling. I remember having my mood swings. I remember crying out loud, and there was no point. I know he and I hated fights, yet, I realized that even a perfect couple has one argument in their life time.
In the end, we learned. We just didn't apply what we learned.

Anything that can bring you up or break you down.
That's love.
Leave the sun up in your sky or the darkest clouds.
-I remember being broken, I remember being healthy. I remember being shattered. I remember the Valentine's Day when he and I went to breakfast. He was there all the way when I had my cramps and a foot pain. I remember that picnic Saturday when he made me close my eyes and guided me to the park. I remember.

Of all things, as I reflect and as I recall, I will let them go with strings attached first. The only ones who can bring them back is myself and that other person. But, I am cold-hearted and I am building up ice. The other person won't bring them back. And so, eventually, the strings will be pulled apart.

I don't want to love again. I will never open up this vulnerable side of me again. I am cold-hearted now. I will repress my pain and freeze it in this heart of mine. It will be frozen forever. If I'm sad, I'll cry. However, I would only show my feelings like that if I DO love. I don't believe in love anymore, I just think it's sweet. Therefore, whether I'm sad, mad, etc., I will smile no matter how hard it is to smile. No matter how hard it is to laugh. I will force my emotions.

Love is cruel.

But, I am glad that I have tried. At least I have tried. At least I was brave enough to try, to ask, to talk. At least I have tried. Knowing that even if love knocks me down, I will get back up and knock it away from me.

It's not that I haven't tried. I did. That's all I need to know to boost my self-esteem.

~jen-jen

P.S. Some people are sooo close minded. *sigh* Loving someone but not willing to look at only that person, and instead hanging around with others *sigh*

lol if he isn't over me, he wouldn't have gotten close to a bunch of girls at the assembly. lol

*sigh* it's funny. he's hurting himself while I hurt myself too. all because he chose not to recognize his mistakes and accept my acknowledgement of my own mistakes. lol it's funny. if two ppl love each other, why go through all the pain from separation? if two ppl love each other, they will settle down things and start telling what they like and dislike and come to an agreement. well..IF both ppl love each other. but anyways.
yeah. i've frozen up the pain inside my heart already. my feelings don't go anywhere, nor will they take control or express itself anymore