♥ Daily Blog: A Turn

Yesterday was ironic and strange.

Coming out of class and seeing him for the first time in weeks...he finally waited for me. Furthermore, he looked so attractive with his men's league uniform on...well maybe his hair did everything.

But that was the only good part.

Fifth period, something dropped out of his textbook, and the paper opened a bit.
To cut short, all I can say is that I felt a sharp pain in my body throughout the day.

After school, there were good and bad things that happened. For one, I felt like going home. Yet, he just took my hand and said "Let's take a walk." So um..if our relationship never had any problems, I'll give him major points for just how smooth he tried to get me away from going home.
I was hurt but masked it with anger and smiles. No matter how hard I tried to leave, he kept hugging me and put me in his arms. Again, if our relationship never had any problems, more major points.
Overall, the way he wouldn't let me go, everything he did yd was something not part of my dream but were things that were extra...in which I had hoped that my dream guy will bring new good dreams to me in additional to accomplishing ALL my dreams...

Flaws. Flaws that bring me to doubts are:
1. No same religion. I value my religion because He has helped me so much. Even when I have sinned in the past when I was in elementary..He helped me out..like even after I hurt him so much by sinning...
I remember shoplifting once and my parents were suspicious. They were on to me. I lied to them too. For some reason, I prayed and prayed..and He end up helping me out of it miraculously. It was strange..why would He help me get away from my own sin? Because, I was young and naughty. By helping me like that, I realize his love for me...that no matter how much I have hurt Him, he will never give up on me.
I may not see Him, but I believe in Him...because of the strange things that only He can do.
And now? Perhaps He won't give me my dreamguy bc..maybe I don't deserve such a guy. But no matter what..if I don't deserve him..maybe He will give me a guy that is similar to my Dreamguy..but not as good-looking or..idk..my ideal of a perfect person. Maybe I'll end up getting someone who is similar only...*sigh*
But yeah..I prefer guys who believe in what I believe in, because together, we know how to live our lives by..know what's right..know what's wrong...we would go to church together..maybe sing in the choir together...spread the word of our faith together..and go to heaven together..
And IF we have a child, there will be no complaints from the guy when it's time to drive our child to church or church school, etc. Sharing the same faith reduces daily problems dramatically..

2. Background
To cut short, I don't like his background. I'm afraid that he'll be like my father...devoted to his family and spend time helping them on things. It's not that I'm against it..well this is why I'm in love with my religion. When you develop your own family, you are only devoted to your own family, and nothing else. Parents should respect their children's freedom and accept the fact that their children have their own families to take care of. Parents should be able to take care of themselves...and be independent. Visits should be on holidays only. We do not extend the family. Although..who knows...I might end up with living with my mother..and IF I have a husband, well the only other person I want to live with is my mother. She wouldn't bother us much and probably would look after the house when nobody's home. I know her. Unlike other mothers, she knows what's right and what's wrong. She knows how to help, regardless of her age. She's not the type of mother who would depend on her children one day...but rather be independent and enjoy it. She may be weak...but she will always get up and get things done.
Overall, his background..I'm afraid it will influence him. Furthermore, one of his friends said, "Omgosh...if he didn't have a girlfriend, he would have been worse." -_-

3. The Negative Side of an Extrovert
He flirts, teases, and plays around with other girls. Writing notes..o.o it's not like he and I wrote notes to each other...
Though that would be cute..but no matter what now, everything he does with me..well he doesn't do everything with me. Some things he already did with other girls. I'm afraid...that I have find everything he has done to me..is meaningless.
I don't think I can ever love him the same way anymore...ever...unless...idk. Just even typing this makes me cry. Foolish girl, he's a jerk. What kind of boyfriend contacts with other girls when he has a gf already?

4. Feminine
I feel as if I'm a guy in my whole entire life. It's good if guys know how to cook, do laundry, sew, etc...but it's not good if they have feminine traits...like..personality..
-_- I feel awkward. I want a real man. I thought he was a nice, intelligent young man. I must have been wrong..
I don't feel like a princess. Moreover, I'm not a girl.

5. More..but I'm tired. Going to sleep..again...

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I felt like throwing up today...went to school, almost threw up on the bus...and yeah. Before 8, I called my mother to take me home. I still have to study for tomorrow..*sigh*

Woke up at 3 today...and idk...maybe that's why I'm sick. Lack of sleep...just like when I was a freshman..became very sick bc of a lack of sleep...due to tennis season -__-

P.S. rofl...he's still single...on ms..looks like he'll never figure it out for himself...well let's just see who will hit on him now :]] wonder how would he respond..

~jen-jen