♥ Daily Blog: Not Conscious

Formal was okay. What I wished would happen, how the formal would go, well...wishes don't come true and nor do dreams.

I woke up in the morning and immediately looked and messaged frantically to several people. One person said yes but never messaged back further...so I waited and waited.

I later asked Mother and she didn't answer. Later, she said yes.

So I already showered and got ready. I later did my hair and when my friend came, I came out and my mother and her's talked a bit.

The moment I arrived at Winter Formal, I tried to look for the stars, but I couldn't see any. So I stood outside..not knowing what to do. Martin came up to me and asked of Traynor was coming. I just shook my head and said that he was sick.

Thong came up and asked me too. I gave the same response.
Realizing that I have forgotten my id, I decided that staying outside was meant to be.

Michelle, however, helped me out and so I was able to get in and have enough money to get the ticket.

I was broke. I wasn't planning to spend on anything.

I went uptstairs, sat alone, stood over the thing to look outside and just stared. Several guys tried to cheer me up by wanting to take pictures with me. It was okay.

But he did arrive, unexpectedly and put the flower thing on my hand.
He looked amazingly sharp.

But overall, the formal wasn't that fun.

Too much romance...I couldn't stand it...I had to hid the tears in my eyes.

R and T were so cute together, sticking with each other like superglue and they took so many pictures together...from entering until they got upstairs. How adorable.

I must say....it is very cute to see romantic things going on.

Someone dedicated a song to his date. A couple singing together, and omgosh...one lucky lady got asked out in front of many people.

A guy I knew actually took his date to dinner and drove around. I must say...that is very very adorable and thoughtful.

But overall, I took a few pictures too...only found one good one out of all though.

I don't know. It hurts me so much. I must let go of my dreams. I must let go of all my wishes..forget about romance. I just want to forget about it.

I had a lousy time at formal. Then again, I just wanted to get out.

How does it feel to love someone so much, yet you wish many things can happen in that certain way, but they just don't happen. I feel so confused...not sure if I should hold on or let go.

Michelle drove me home though...it was a long drive. She got lost so many times. In the end, I got home, and my dad immediately got out to see who drove me. Michelle left though.

My sister told me that my dad was being a real asian parent when he came home. Parents had an argument once again.

I really want to give up on love. What is love, but pain? My dreams will never come true...not every girl has a prince and I just have to accept that I will never find that kind of romance.

Rate for today: 5.0

Average is about 5.5-6

so that means...I let go of all my dreams and wishes...today...March 1, 2009.

Letting go for good...

There is no one close to me. I eventually tell whatever is going on with me. That person won't tell me right then.

Who is there to trust? Who is there to be close to.

No such thing as love. Every romantic couple and/or actions I see, they're all part of a fairytale...they're own fairytale.

I don't have my fairytale. I don't deserve any of those cute romantic ways or tradition.

I'm hurting so much inside of my heart...

why do i have to love someone
why does it happen so naturally
I can't restrain it

Suffering inside and loving that person at the same time...I'm indeed a stupid moron.

heh...if i'm not meant to know love, then i don't want to know it ever.

I rather not know then to know and feel it.

What is love
No such thing
No such thing as romance
Don't cry when seeing romantic ppl.

~jen-jen