♥ Daily Blog: Because I Have Died

Dont waste your time on someone who doesn't want to share with you. Love is never everlasting, but there is only the everlastingness of love. We live to love not love to live. Make the one you love smile by smiling at her. Someone who doesn't love you like you want him to doesn't mean you are not lovable. No one is worthy for you to cry, the one who never makes you cry is the only worthy one. Dont cry because of the result but laugh at the process of growth. Things that make up happines: to live, to be loved, and to see people around you happy. Love is born from the eyes, is grown by the kiss, and is gone with the tears.

I almost fainted afterschool. I started to breathe faster..and I could feel my heartbeat trying to break me. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't concentrate. I wasn't there. I almost fainted...but I couldn't. If I have fallen, I would've fallen into the concrete ground..and break my head...I couldn't faint...I tried not to faint. I need to go for a check up...my heart can't take it anymore.

Something washed over me when I saw him hurt. If I could never have him do the things I fantasized about him doing, I might as well do the things that I wished he would've done to me.
And I'm letting go too.
Day by day...I'll recall my dreams...do them...and delete them.
I felt...somewhat happy when doing that to him...it just came...it came natural..all natural...and now I realized that I have always wanted someone to do that to me..
but..it's ok. No more dreams, remember Jen?

Time will come. If he truly loves me with everything he has...perhaps things may become better...perhaps a perfect relationship is possible...(eh snap out of it). But...if he truly cares about me...then I won't have to worry about playing the role of my mother...or he becoming like his father...or my father...or anyone that I don't like..

If only I can be that relieved....

But...perhaps I do care that I'm unhappy because...I really don't want to suffer like all the other women who had suffered from their lovers...a part of me is still conscious...not blinded by love.

God will always be with me...if he truly isn't a true person overall...I'm sure God will guide me and give me strength to do it.

I won't leave you, but if I see a part of you that I absolutely hate...this bond...cannot go on...

It's JayTee forever, but if he changes...there's no longer a Tee....because JayTee goes together....and the Tee I know...is my dream guy.

But...I wish someday he is that guy.

fjkfjdefdf no more wishes
ah must get used to it...eventually I will get used to it.

No such thing is romance...I'm just a girl who doesn't deserve romance like that...
like the ones in romantic stories..fairytales...etc

I don't think there is anyone...who can prove me wrong..

It pains me...but I have to accept it....what's meant to be will always meant to be...
If I were to be optimistic...I would think..."Perhaps there's a good reason for why I am not happy...and not having my dreams come true. Maybe...if today was supposed to be significant...perhaps...something has been learned...and maybe...after today...I will never cry again...and all my dreams and wishes will be brought back by someone....."

but..that's nonsense.

A girl's tears are precious....no guy should ever bring them out...
but..
w.e

~jen-jen